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Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in Lainey's LiveJournal:

Sunday, September 29th, 2002
2:06 pm
it's my last day at the opera today. well, sort of. i'm working two nights next week. but i start work at stanford tomorrow! i'm a little scared...little apprehensive...i can't stop farting.

Current Mood: anxious
Wednesday, June 19th, 2002
11:26 am
at that particular time...........
Wow. Life is strange. He made everything alright. Well, almost. But largely. I'm SO SAD today. So deeply deathly sad. I forgot to shave my legs this morning, I was so sad. Sometimes I'd like to vanish, but I know I'll be happy tomorrow. Someone made me a sheep, out of black gaff tape. It's pretty funny looking, in fact it doesn't even look like a sheep at all. I wish it were a cow. MOO.

I'm not sure how happiness and sadness can comingle so strangely, but it seems to be working right now, so I'm just going to go with it. There's something about being hugged by someone you really love that can make everything else seem so utterly inconsequential.

I think I'm going to be very happy, in a few days weeks months.

Current Mood: hopeful
Saturday, May 4th, 2002
9:20 pm
ballet SUCKS
Did I mention that ballet sucks? I'm being FORCED TO GO on Tuesday. AAHDS:F SJDHG:K H:IVUJN SK:J !!!

I'm so glad Brian's back. Although he doesn't seem to be reading my entries... "what do you want from meeee...it's not how it used to beeeee...you've taken my life away......eeeeeeeeee"

I did a lot of work today in a very short period of time because I FOCUSED. Isn't that weird? I focused. And got a lot done.

I got farted on about 5 times today. My dress now smells like farts.
Tuesday, April 30th, 2002
5:28 pm
quack quack
Sometimes, my life explodes. I've been striking scenery and lights for the past 48 hours. Solidly, with just a leetle break for sleep. I now have three cows and a duck that says quack.

Tonight I am moving house. I unloaded two 24' trucks today. I'd like to sit down and cry but I don't have the energy.

I think about him ALL THE TIME.

I'd like to be so busy that my brain doesn't have the power to think any more. About anything. I mean, this world just doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever. None. Zero.

I saw someone eating his fist today, lying on the sidewalk, shaking. Wasn't sure whether to talk to him or walk on by.

Quack quack quack.

I miss Brian.

BRIAN, if you're reading this, I'M GETTING PAUL TONIGHT!!!

Current Mood: blah
Saturday, April 13th, 2002
2:43 pm
no sleep
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah no sleep, too much work, can't do it all! i am the definition of STRESS today. it's funny, having so much to do and no time to do it in. worked til 3:45 a.m. last night, got up at 9, worked some more, wrote this journal entry, worked some more.

at least i love mozart in the morning.

next week this time, i will be ASLEEP.

Current Mood: frantic
Tuesday, April 9th, 2002
1:45 pm
bargh it's raining and i'm uninspired. i'm also eating baked lays and waiting for the phone to ring.

life smells. much like my office. my office actually smells like ass today.
Monday, April 8th, 2002
6:12 pm
It's YOU-OUUUUUUUUUUUU..................it's YOU-OUUUUUUUUUUU. I have the craziest week coming up. I wish I were busier so I wouldn't think about him so much.

Everyone seems to have someone apart from me. Is it because I'm bipolar? Or because I'm such a PSYCHO?!?!?!? bahahahaha. Everything's tinged with a blue kind of melancholy today. I think I'll go home and be blue. I'm so tired. Life sucks today.

WHY do I let myself get into these funks!??!
4:31 pm
Today is a horrible day. I feel like shit today, mentally. I listened to Sigur Ros all night last night, and they made me long for Down Syndrome children dancing in angel costumes. I really want to help people.

How can I help people when I work in opera? All I have to do is edit supertitles. I wish I could work with schizophrenics.

I'm reading this book by Ken Wilber, called "No Boundary" about reaching unity consciousness. All it does is fuck my head.

Cried for about an HOUR yesterday for no good reason. I think it might have been the evening. It was beautiful. Watching the sun fade to blue to green to dark azure. *sigh*

I wish he'd call me.
Sunday, April 7th, 2002
5:58 pm
i've only had a sugary crepe to eat today, and it's 5:58!!! stupid daylight saving time........fucked up my whole day.


went to the beach, there were lots of washed up jellyfish, big ones. this golden lab bit one and it squooshed in his mouth. i laughed. i had bare feet, and now i have sand in my toes. i listened to mozart today, lying on the grass. THE WAY IT SHOULD BE SUBLIME PLAYED TO THE UNIVERSE.

who the HELL am i kidding?

it's time for a hot chocolate WITH WHIPPED CREEEEEEEEAM!
Saturday, April 6th, 2002
7:53 pm
Today was a perfect day. I went to the Palace of the Legion of Honor and looked at Dada art, and Surrealist art, and old boring baroque art [although I saw a piece by Rubens which floated my boat] and lots of cooooooool sculptures by Rodin. It was sunny. I got a sandwich and went to Lands' End and watched the clouds come over the sun. YAY for life and YAY for the world.


It's 7:54. I'm at work. WHY do I always come back to work!? Tomorrow I have to learn an opera by Mozart - La finta giardiniera. Should be interesting.

Brian, you called me and didn't leave me your callback number. DUH I don't have your phone number and your voice mail smells like poo.

Paul was snorking to me today, that he's a little squooshed in the box he's in - I'm going to have to go and retrieve him one of these days.

I was thinking, today, what determines whether or not something is art. I mean, if Dadaists can say that a urinal is art, then I can say that my big fat ass is art, you know?

I listened to Maria Callas today - that woman makes my world shine. MON COEUR S'OUVRE A TA VOIX.

Thursday, April 4th, 2002
10:50 am
Thursdays ....................
...........are often worse than Wednesdays. I think I hit the snooze button 15 times this morning before old lady I live with came in and smacked me to get up.

I WISH IT WERE FRIDAY ALREADY!!!!!! actually, I wish it were Saturday. Why do I wish my life away?

Going to the ballet tonight with NICKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. Who, incidentally, if she is reading this, smells like ass.
Wednesday, April 3rd, 2002
12:01 pm
Wednesdays...I hate Wednesdays
Why does everyone always hate Mondays? I think Wednesdays are the WORST. At least on Monday, the weekend seems like a distant yet tangible mirage - on Weds., it's TWO WHOLE ACHINGLY LONG DAYS AWAY. Not that I've had a weekend off in about two years, but there's just something about Saturday afternoons.

Thinking of going to see the Dada exhibit at the Palace of the Legion of Honor this weekend. Why the HELL did they call it Dada anyway?

It's funny how I've got TOO MUCH TO DO AT WORK yet I still manage to find time to write in here. I'm so excited by the fact that BRIAN I LOVE YOU put a link to me in his LJ. I've secretly been reading his LJs for ages now, wishing I could be so inspired.

My cow's not too happy today - he got sort of hot sitting on the monitor overnight, and he's not talking to me. I threatened to give him to the zoo if he didn't cheer up, but that just made him madder.

Why the hell DON'T they have cows in the zoo? I hate zoos, by the way, but I did get to see a giraffe there once. Wouldn't it be amazing to have a neck that long? I mean, imagine being able to eat from all those trees!! My exboyfriend Scott called me last night - we talked about my dog! He got to keep the dog Sia when we broke up :( It made me so sad. Anyway, Sia apparently met her first cow the other day. She barked and barked, but then finally stopped being such a chicken and she LICKED THE COW ON THE NOSE!!

I wish I could lick a cow on its nose.

Remember when I dressed up as a rainbow and ran around North Beach kissing Italians?

I think another long day at work awaits me...writing supertitles into the wee hours of the morning. Why don't they call it the wee hours of the afternoon? There's something strange about daylight savings time. Why do WE get to decide when the sun rises?

Celestial bodies should be worshipped, particularly moons. I have a rock in my pocket, with a picture of the moon on it. It's supposed to remind me of what's important - like the cosmos and UNITY CONSCIOUSNESS [yes, Brian, my existential crisis flew away somewhere...although I still believe it's all pointless and there's no such thing as free will] and realizing that there IS no subject-object distinction. TO HELL WITH DUALISM! But see, it all makes sense...Heidegger says Being-in-the-world means precisely that, that there's no subject-object distinction. Hence, my unity consciousness. Yes, dammit.


I have to go and write a tech schedule!
Tuesday, April 2nd, 2002
7:47 pm
It's 7:47 and I'm still at work. I have to learn this STUPID opera [well, okay, it's not stupid, but it SHOULD be!] so I'm slaving away here at work. Actually, I'm whiting out cuts that some silly person made that they then decided they wanted to include.


Really should be listening to the particular aforementioned opera, but I'm listening to U2. LIGHT UP YOUR CHRISTMAS TREEEEEEEEEEEE....

I have a cow. Okay, I have two. But one's at home. The other is sitting on top of my monitor with its legs flopping over the screen.

My parents' house got broken into tonight...........told mom I'd go up there, but I've got a 9 a.m. meeting tomorrow and I'M STILL AT WORK!! Is that horrible of me?

I want to die under the stars. Odd? No, natural. I am trying to become a unity-consciousness.

How the hell do you make friends on here?

Current Mood: anxious
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